Friday night and once again, I get a box full of crap. I lie in my bed for 5 minutes thinking about everything and you ruin it. You fucking ruin it! You tell me, "You're so fat. Get up and actually move in this house. Things need to be done."

I'm sorry I'm fat. I'm sorry I'm so lazy. I'm sorry for not being a good daughter. Then I should also be sorry I'm myself. Because for a girl, it's so hard to lose weight through teens years of depression, joy and happiness. Because for me, I wake up at fucking 6PM ready to go to school for 6/7 hours of school where I actually fucking try to learn and get a good future so you can be proud of me. On the other hand, you wake up at God knows what fucking time and storm your way to work, bitching to customers and telling them to be fucking patient. But you can't make me happy - not even for one day - so I fall into unhappiness. I can't cry because I'll be known as a fool to cry over such a 'stupid thing'. I can't even act unhappy because people will ask what's wrong. I'm sorry if I'm actually trying my best to make you feel proud and that I don't tell you my results because there'll be disappointment. I'm sorry I was never the youngest, because then I wouldn't have to worry about a single fucking thing and I wouldn't have to worry about getting shouted at even though I watch the laptop every day and not even try my best in school. I could just eat all day and not worry whether she calls me fat because she'll only tell me to lose weight sweetly. Now I'm thinking to myself, why do I even fucking try? Trying and trying - and then you tell me I could've done better when I've done my best. Life is like Cinderella isn't it? But in the real world, the prince won't come and change everything. He will never come.

You never ask, "Stephanie, how are you? Do you feel tired?" not even one simple or comforting question. You only care whether I'll make a better for your living by cleaning your house and your facilities. Yes, I'm a dog aren't I? I shouldn't be treated like a human being because I don't deserve it. Just throw your harsh and unloving words at me, I won't have the feelings to become unhappy. Maybe I should ask you just to throw me away into the streets because you would want that wouldn't you? When I see other families, the question, "Why can't my family be like that?" flies into my head. We can't. Because of you. I can't be happy because of you. I can't fucking cry because of you. If I cry, I'm showing what a fool I am, crying over my own mother who doesn't give a fuck about me. Stubborn as I am, I would rather run away to a place different where I don't know anyone. Because I feel so confused. I feel so angry I can throw something at the wall and let it smash into a million pieces. I feel neglected and used by everyone. And mostly, I feel lonely.

I can't be a normal person, because of you.